Tough Customer // Wire

The Sword

One of my favorite day dreams revolves around time travel. Not the kind of time travel where you are magically transported 100 years into the future so you can finally get that jet pack you’ve always wanted. And not the kind of time travel where you go back to the 16th century and blow everyone’s mind with your intermediate understanding of high school physics.

Instead, in my imagination I am the chaperon for someone else who has travelled through time - specifically someone who has come from the past. Maybe it’s because I love playing teacher, but I think it would be a lot of fun to take a person dropped into 2010 from 1920 and show them how a smart phone works. Or better yet, take them to a 3D screening of Avatar.

One of the other scenarios I often play out in my mind does actually involve some time travel on my part, although it focuses on the not-too-distant past. In my imagination, I go back to the late 60s or early 70s and somehow ingratiate myself to a bunch of flower children at an acid party. Once the party is in full swing - and everybody is tripping balls - I get everyone’s attention and tell them I have come from the future. Of course they would all be like, “No way man, that’s too far out.” And I would be all like, “Yeah, it’s true. We have a black president, everybody talks on shiny little personal communication devices, and the music is a thousand times better than this baby boomer crap you all can’t stop listening to.”

Even high on acid most of them probably wouldn’t believe me, so I would have to bust out my iPod as proof. Just showing them my flashy futuristic gizmo would probably be enough to convince them, but just in case, I would have to take the extra step and blow their minds. I would plug the iPod into their stereo (I would have to remember to bring the right cables, of course) and throw on “Mo Money Mo Problems” then sit back and watch their heads explode. Also, hopefully all the hot girls would want to sleep with me.

Now let’s take this little mind exercise one step further. Imagine that you could go way back to medieval times and drag a witch or a sorcerer into the 21st century. They would be so far removed from the way we live now that you could never hope to acclimate them. I mean, how are you going to explain the internet to someone who doesn’t even understand indoor plumbing? I think it would be better - and more entertaining - just to fuck with them.

First, you could tell them that you have the magical ability to make light out of darkness and then go “shazaam!” while you flip a light switch. Or you could buy a disposable lighter from the corner store and claim the power to make fire from thin air. Or maybe just take them bungee jumping.

But I think the best way to fuck with, say, a wizard from the 8th century would be to convince him to join a metal band. The whole thing would be just familiar enough that he could fake his way through it with only minor, hopefully comic, confusion. For one thing, he would already have the beard. All you would have to do is trade in his robe for some black jeans and a Motörhead t-shirt. Then make him drink a bunch of “magic potion” (aka Red Bull and vodka), give him a microphone and tell him to sing what he knows. I guarantee you that in no time at all, Mr. Wizard’s band would have a full repertoire of songs about Satan, evil witches, and mythical battles fought between Pagan gods.

Sadly, Stephen Hawking has proven that travelling back in time is physically impossible, so Mr. Wizard’s awesome hypothetical band will never exist. Which is why we should all sacrifice a baby goat and give thanks to the great warrior god Odin for The Sword from Austin, TX.

These guys have been my favorite metal band since I first heard the opening riff on “Barael’s Blade” from their 2006 album Age Of Winters. That record is my go-to album every time I’m drunk, tweaked on caffeine or when I just want to freak out the neighbors. Which is why I am so excited that they are getting ready to drop something new on this world of unbelievers.

With just a few weeks until the release of their new album, The Sword has released the song “Tres Brujas,” the first chapter first chapter in the epic sci-fi narrative that spans Warp Riders, which hits stores on August 24th via Kemado Records.

If you cough up an email, you can download the track now via the link below. Make sure to buy the album when it comes out and don’t forget to take it with you if you ever get the chance to travel through time or hang out with a wizard.

MP3: click here for free download