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The Dirty Nil

The Dirty Nil

I just finished reading Sum by David Eagleman. For those who aren’t familiar with his work (or are too lazy to Google him) Eagleman is a genius level neuroscientist who studies the perception of time and other brain-related mysteries at Baylor University. He has published a bunch of books that are fascinating and surprisingly readable, even though they deal with super heady concepts like subconscious neural networking and the existential side effects of the internet.

Eagleman sometimes gets to a point in his studies where he is limited by the current extent of our scientific knowledge. But instead of contenting himself with random and open-ended speculation when he bumps up against these road blocks, Eagleman goes home at night and writes fiction. Sum is the product of his most recent efforts in this area. The book contains 40 short stories, each its own strange and intriguing hypothesis on what happens after we die.

In one story, we find out that god exists – only on a microscopic level, entirely unaware of the human bodies in which he/she/it travels. In another, we work as background characters in other people’s dreams. The stories are only a page or two long, and each one ends with some kind of poignant or contemplative thought on life and the nature of human existence.

Personally, what I’m hoping for in the afterlife is the chance to live life over again – only this time, with the benefit of hindsight. If there is a heaven, it would have to be something like that. Think about how cool it would be to go through life, knowing all of your mistakes before you make them. Imagine being able to milk every last drop of pleasure from your greatest memories, just by virtue of the fact that you know full well how great each experience is as you’re having it. You could make a pass at all of the girls you were intimidated by in high school, cash in on every great idea you had too late, be at the right place at the right time – every time.

I think this fantasy is what lies beneath the expression “youth is wasted on the young.” As you get older, you start to realize just how care-free your youth was and you start to think of all the ways you could have capitalized on it. For me this manifests itself in a sort of regretful nostalgia that runs the gamut from every beer I didn’t drink in college and piano lessons I didn’t practice for to money I should have made and things I should have said. It’s the kind of thing you never feel until you get older, because when you’re young life is full of second chances and new opportunities. You’re always thinking about what you might do tomorrow, not what you could have done yesterday.

I’m still a little too young to be facing this sort of existential crisis head-on, but I have begun to get a sense of it. Which is why I’m thankful for the new 7” Fuckin’ Up Young by The Dirty Nil. In just under four minutes this track takes all the wild, sloppy, exuberant joi de vivre of youth, loads it up with beer, strips it naked, turns all the dials to 10 and leaves it lying in a sweaty pile on the bedroom floor.

From the looks of it, the dudes in The Dirty Nil haven’t even hit their 20s yet, so it’s nice to see that they’re appreciating what they have while they have it. One can only hope that they take the next decade or so to rock hard, sleep around and live life to the fullest. Because whether they know it or not, that’s what heaven really is.

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MP3: 'Fuckin Up Young'

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Canada, garage rock, indie rock
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Lost In The Inbox

Lost In The Inbox

According to my own very unscientific studies, there are hundreds of thousands of music-related websites online. Possibly millions. Some of them have big budget advertising accounts and site traffic that rivals The New York Times. Others provide hourly coverage of popular bands and employ a dedicated staff of contributors. Most of them are run by one or two devoted individuals who put a lot of time and effort into daily reviews and updates. But no matter which music site you’re talking about, it’s safe to say that almost all of them are more popular than this one.

And yet, I get a crap load of promo material from bands and their PR people. Seriously. In the time it took me to type this sentence, I got 13 new emails. While this makes me feel real special and all, it also makes it nearly impossible to keep up with the tide of new music. I don’t know how a site like Pitchfork or Brooklyn Vegan does it. They must have an army of interns who do nothing all day but delete email blasts from their general mailbox.

I’m not complaining. I feel lucky that somebody took the time to put my website on a list and then sell that list to hundreds of PR firms across the country. But in the interest of time, efficiency and my day job, I’m going to have to start doing this kind of uzi-style post, where I just try to hit as many good bands as possible.

So, to the bands listed below: It’s not that I love you any less. It’s just that I’m overwhelmed right now and I only have time to give you a sentence or two. And let’s be honest; anybody who has spent any time reading these posts knows I usually only devote a sentence or two to the actual music anyway. Just think of this as all the wheat without any of that needlessly wordy chaff.

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MP3: 'Mr. Bones' (Tiny Victories)

Buoyant electro-pop from Brooklyn. Synthesizers, samples and an underlying sense of optimism that I can’t quite put my finger on, but love just the same.

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MP3: 'Cut From A Different Clay' (Phantom Kicks)

This is one of the many side-projects that grew out of the ashes of SF band Raised By Robots. But where that band was angular, noisy and featured lots of shouting, Phantom Kicks are more controlled, using dynamics and vocal harmonies to make music that is beautiful and dramatic.

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MP3: 'Henry Don't Got Love' (Le Butcherettes)

A quasi-goth Mexican garage punk band fronted by a girl who goes by the name of Teri Gender Bender. So, uh, put that in your pipe and smoke it.

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stream only 'Simmerdown' (Nostalgia 77)

Nostalgia 77 is actually producer/engineer/DJ Benedic Lamdin, who has released almost a dozen LPs over the years. This track features guest vocalist Josa Peit. As the title suggests, it moves calmly along with a hazy, sunset jazz-funk vibe.

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MP3: 'Touching Down' (Therapies Son)

This is what happens when a kid from Van Nuys discovers The Band, ELO and magic mushrooms all at the same time. Ambling, psychedelic and wonderful.

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MP3: 'Sirena'(Making Movies)

Leave it to a Latin band to bring sexy back to indie rock. This slinky guitar jam has just the right amount of (forgive me) spicy salsa to give it kick. ¡Muy bueno!

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MP3: 'Eclectic Prawn' (Dumbo Gets Mad)

What sounds like a whole band of troubadours tripping on sunshine is actually a single Italian guy known as Dumbo Gets Mad. ‘Eclectic Prawn’ is a spastic funky pop explosion, sprinkled with tape feedback and acid-laced sugar cubes.

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MP3: 'Mirabell' (Bridges And Powerlines)

So I’ve got a thing for electro-pop bands from Brooklyn. That shit sounds nice, ok? This band is no exception. The crafty blend of gurgling synthesizers, vocal harmonies and heavy, broken percussion is a recipe for success. Suck it Portland!

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MP3: 'Congratulationz' (Treekeeper)

Hot damn! This is the kind of music that makes me want to drink a bottle of designer vodka and stick my hand in an electric outlet. Razor sharp instrumental hip hop with a thumping beat and a one-two punch of power and mischief.

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analog, Brooklyn, electro rock, electro-pop, garage rock, hip-hop, IDM, indie rock, instrumental, Nashville, New York, Portland, post-rock, pyschedelic, San Francisco, Uncategorized
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The Lions Rampant

There are a lot of great things about being a rock star. First and foremost is the fact that your only real responsibility is playing music for thousands of adoring fans. Other than that, you pretty much get to spend all of your time getting drunk, banging groupies and throwing TVs out of hotel room windows. Even if you end up a penniless burnout before you hit 40, you can always count on a second career doing the circuit of lucrative casino gigs and VH1 reality shows.

In fact, just the very act of playing rock music gives you enough shine to pull off a lot of cool shit. Even if you never make it past touring small clubs in a rented van, being a rock musician still justifies the tattoos, tight leather clothes and lewd behavior that you could never get away with being, say, a mid-level accountant. No guy ever walked into a bar and picked up a girl by telling her he works a low paying office job. But that scruffy looking dude making $8.75 an hour at the local coffee shop? I guarantee he’ll go home with a girl on his arm as long as he buys her a PBR and invites her to his show at the Hemlock next weekend.

Speaking of girls and rockers, I think one of the best perks would be making music videos. Even if nobody watches them, you still get to spend a couple of days in front of a camera living like a movie star. And since it’s your video, you can do whatever you want. You can launch the drummer into outer space or you can have the guitar player battle a group of axe wielding ninjas. It doesn’t matter. It’s your video.

Personally, I would take a cue from Cincinnati’s The Lions Rampant. In their video for “Lights On” – a catchy song that blends indie garage rock and 60s R&B – the band members bathe with hot naked girls, wrestle with hot girls in their underwear, and make out with and get licked by hot girls while drinking, dancing and generally carrying on.

Mel Brooks famously said it’s good to be the king. I say it’s better to play rock n roll.

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MP3: 'Lights On'

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Cincinnati, garage rock, R&B, video
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Obits

This video turns rock n roll on its head.

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MP3: 'Pine On'

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Brooklyn, garage rock
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Philadelphia Grand Jury

The first time I ever went to Las Vegas, I was 19 years old. Three friends and I piled into an aging Honda Accord and drove off around sunset on a Thursday evening in early Spring. We had a stack of CDs, a couple packs of cigarettes, and three fake IDs between us. We had an invitation to sleep on the floor of a relative’s house out in the suburbs and we were to determined to pack as much crazy, unbridled fun as we could into the two nights we would be there.

The drive to Las Vegas from San Francisco is long – really long. It’s 10+ hours if you hit traffic or stop for food. By the time we crossed the border into Nevada, it was three in the morning and we were exhausted. We were on the verge of passing out and had started looking for a cheap roadside motel when the lights of the Strip rose suddenly out of the desert like a neon flying saucer. We’d already been stoned twice and we’d each drank about a liter of Jolt cola at that point, but the glow of downtown Vegas energized us. We hit the gas and covered the last few miles into town doing about 95 on the big highway that runs along the backside of the casinos.

After a strange breakfast served to us by an elderly lady in a négligée at the Peppermill and a disorienting drive through the Las Vegas suburbs, we finally went to bed as the sun was coming up. We slept through most of the day and woke up ready to kick Las Vegas in the nuts.

This time we had a hand-drawn map, so driving back to the Strip only took us about 30 minutes. We’d gotten our hands on some designer drugs before we left the city, and they kicked in just as we pulled onto Las Vegas Blvd. By the time we drove into the parking lot of The Stratosphere we were hanging out of the car windows, offering our bodies to strangers and screaming at anyone within ear shot.

The next five hours were a whirlwind of hyperactive weirdness. We rode the roller coaster twice. We snuck into the group photo of a bunch of Japanese tourists. We did flaming shots on an indoor boat with a dance floor that rose and fell mechanically to simulate the movement of waves. We sat in with the band in an artificial jungle at The Mirage, all of us singing along with some time-worn classic rock song. We visited what has to be the seediest strip club in all of Las Vegas (The Tally Ho, for the record) and at least two of us got a lap dance from a stripper with a fresh C-section scar.

At some point toward the end of the evening, we even tried to gamble a little. While not quite in full possession of our faculties, we did have the good sense to pick a smaller, slightly run down casino where the tables would be cheap and nobody would hassle us about the fake IDs. We were huddled around a one dollar black jack table when a tired looking cocktail waitress came to take our drink orders. We ordered gin and tonics and tried to pretend that we weren’t a bunch of drug addled teenagers sneaking alcohol in a Las Vegas casino on a Friday night. Of course the waitress carded us right away, although I don’t think she really cared how old we were. We probably could have shown her our library cards and she would have been ok with it as long as we tipped her.

In fact, she barely glanced at the pictures as we handed her our IDs one by one. She even gave my handsome friend Dan a smile, and he flirted with her a little as he ordered his drink. She came to my friend Scott last, and was still smiling when she took his ID. She made some relatively benign comment about his picture – told him he looked young or something like that. Scott could have easily laughed it off, or made a quick joke (“Yes, I have Casey Kasem disease”) and that would have been that. But he didn’t, and to this day I still don’t understand why he said what he said next.

Instead of charming the waitress into leaving us alone, or even being just semi-polite to her, Scott said, “What do you care? You just hate your shitty job. Don’t take it out on me. Now go get my drink, bitch.”

The next part of this story happened just like it does in the movies. Three very large guys in black suits appeared at the table. They grabbed Scott and his fake ID and told us to stay where we were as they dragged him to the back of the casino. We stood around waiting for them to bring our friend back, but that began to seem less and less likely as the minutes ticked past. Finally after about a half hour, we went looking for Scott. We found him in a dingy back room, handcuffed to a bench. He was being interrogated under harsh fluorescent lighting by the casino goons. To his credit, he had ramped up his animosity and was running through a grocery list of insults. He suggested that the security personnel were all the product of incestuous sexual unions and that they should all spend the rest of their lives humping barn animals.

Eventually the casino security guards realized they weren’t going to get Scott to give up the name of an international counterfeiting organization and they decided to let him go. They uncuffed him and two of the guards picked him up by the arm pits and carried him to the back of the casino. We chased after them as they kicked open a service door and literally threw him into the back alley. They even said, “And don’t you ever come back!” I swear to god.

I was reminded of that night in Las Vegas when I heard the Australian band Philadelphia Grand Jury. Their new single is called “Going To The Casino (Tomorrow Night)” and it might as well be the soundtrack for every debauched night out in Sin City. The band plays with unhinged intensity, yelping and growling over razor sharp guitar lines. Their songs are quick and to the point, like a punch to the face. It’s hipster punk rock at its best, which is to say it’s punk rock, but with better chops, cooler hair and a lot more soul.

What I love best though is the chorus on “Going To The Casino.” The band chants over the drums, issuing a blissfully unaware challenge to fate and pit bosses everywhere: “Going to the casino! Tomorrow night! What could possibly go wrong?” The underlying idea seems to be that even if it all goes wrong, it’s still alright. My thoughts exactly.

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MP3: 'Going To The Casino (Tomorrow Night)

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MP3: 'Ready To Roll' (Tough Customer//Wire Exclusive!)

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Australia, garage rock, indie rock, punk
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Thunders

Thunders

One of the most rock n roll moments of my life – and there have been many – was when one of my elderly neighbors went ballistic during a band practice in my parents’ garage. This was back in the high school days, when we had more volume than talent. We would practice every weekend in the garage while my folks were out running errands or just generally keeping their distance. They did so with good reason; I’m told that you could hear our smokin’ hot version of “White Light/White Heat” from several blocks away.

Most of the time we tried to keep the garage door closed to limit the noise. But it would get pretty hot in the summer months, and after an hour or so we would roll up the door a few feet to let some air in. It was on one such occasion that we were confronted by the ire of one particularly crotchety old man. He must have come from a few blocks away, because he was in his car. He came screeching into the driveway and part of the way into the garage, the hood of his car just barely fitting under the half open door. He jumped out of his car and launched into one of the most hilarious tirades I or any of my teenage band mates had ever heard.

Fortunately, we were recording our performance on a cheap boom box, and we captured the whole exchange on tape. It’s been a few years since I’ve heard that recording, but I will paraphrase for the sake of this article.

Loud sounds of distorted guitars and amateurish drumming. All of a sudden the singer stops mid-song and says, “Holy shit!” A car door slams and an elderly voice can be heard in the distance.

BAND: “What are you doing in my garage? I’m pretty sure this is trespassing…”
OLD MAN: “You guys have been making this goddamn racket for months! It’s horrible! You have to stop this noise right now!”
BAND: “Um, what?”
OLD MAN: “I can hear you from three blocks away! Shut it off! It’s too loud!”
BAND: “Maybe you’re just, uh, too old…?”
OLD MAN: “Show some respect! Other people live in this neighborhood. Nobody wants to hear this racket!”
BAND: “Fuck you!”
OLD MAN: “What!? I’m calling the police! They’ll shut you down forever!
BAND MEMBER #1: “Good. When they get here we’ll tell them about how you drove your car into our garage door.”
BAND MEMBER #2: “Old people can’t drive.”
BAND MEMBER #3: “What if we play a cover of ‘Moon River?’ Would you like that?”
BAND MEMBER #4: “Will you buy us some beer?”
BAND MEMBER #2: “He’s old.”

It was around that point we broke down laughing and the old guy drove off frustrated and even more upset than when he arrived. We immediately listened to the exchange on playback and decided it would be the perfect interlude for our first album. We congratulated ourselves on our collective ability to stick it to the Man. In our minds we were the coolest 15 year olds on the block.

Eventually we all found our way to different bands with legitimate practice studios. We learned to play our instruments and eventually our sharp edges softened a little bit. Some might argue that our music got better, but we definitely lost some of the raw energy that we had back in the garage days.

In this context, the label “garage rock” starts to make a lot of sense for that genre of music. Bands that play under this banner may have more skill than we did back in the salad days, but they still embody the energy and insolence that we were so proud of. Take the band Thunders from Indianapolis. Their new EP “The Sympathetic Oscillations” sounds like the reverb was pounded into it with a baseball bat. The songs bristle with the spirit of a teenager high on whippets. When singer Ryan Reidy yelps, “There’s a party in my brain and it won’t end” you get the sense that this band has turned (the) garage into a platform for taunting all the party-poopers and angry seniors in their neighborhood.

You can put this theory to the test by setting up some speakers in your garage. Open the door, throw on Thunders and turn the volume up to 10. If anybody comes complaining about the volume, remember the classic rock axiom: If it’s too loud, you’re too old.

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MP3: 'Gonna Heal Everyone'

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MP3: 'Magicsick'

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garage rock, Indianapolis, pyschedelic
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